Update 2: So I think I managed to sort myself out, so I now feel kind of dumb for creating a post, but I’d like to see other people’s solutions to my problem for learning purposes.
I stumbled upon this thread and happened upon this deus ex machina component: Curve Nearest Object
. Placed points on each curve, sorted them along an arbitrary circle, and then used said component to then sort the list. Just kind of magically worked…