So you want to include dynamics, collisions, and volumetric simulation of solids, with fracture, all in a numerically accurate way?
That’s a fairly tall order-
I think something like LS-DYNA comes closest, but it’s probably not trivial to learn how to use it properly, even for an engineer already skilled in this area, and I don’t think it comes cheap.
If you can just consider the force at one instant and treat it as a static problem, then Scan&Solve might be most suitable.
Kangaroo can also give numerically accurate deformations for certain static cases, though currently not for volumetric solids. It also has some collision detection and dynamic simulation, but the dynamic aspect is currently not quantitative. So overall I’m not sure it would be suitable here.
Honestly though, to me this sounds like something to consult an engineer about. It is probably possible to get a pretty good idea of the answer through some manual calculation, and to set up a full and accurate quantitative simulation of this type of problem would require much more than just the right software.